Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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