Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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