Its about making memories worth repressing
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
