It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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