Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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