dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
