So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
