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you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
This is my gift to your gina
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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