glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
40s are totally the cure
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
