yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
