She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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