Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
