Whod you bang
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
