I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
