You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
