its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
