I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
