Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize