I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Randomize
