You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
