dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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