Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
two words...techno handjob
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
