It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
