Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Your tits are I can't wait for
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
