Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
