I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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