her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
