So drunk its hurt
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
