Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
