I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
