Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
