hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
It's just like the Real World with babies
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
