I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
