He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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