is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
