I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
