Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
