i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
