so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
