I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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