Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
