cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
