Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
