Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
