Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
