Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
