Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
