you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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