We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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