This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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