it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
