I hope mine doesn't look like that
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
