like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
