She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
