Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
