you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
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