i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the day after is always just damage control
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
