he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
is wine microwaveable?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
