That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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