The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
