i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
