You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
