also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
