OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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