Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
