I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
