Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
