i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
