4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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